im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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