That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
