Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
