He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
