found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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