So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
