i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
