I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
