You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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