I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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