on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
