i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
