I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
