Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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