Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
