I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
