seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
