apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
