I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
