Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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