i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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