1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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