question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
