Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
