I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
