I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
