Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
