Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
