hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
