i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
