I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
