OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
