STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
