I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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