You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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