After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
