he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
