I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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