When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
