Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
