She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
