Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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