my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
