last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
