that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
