and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
