No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
