so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
