idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
