I just saw a hot homeless man
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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